The Beginning

It all started right after his fourth birthday. Up until this point, it was only clear that my son had a speech delay. My oldest daughter also had a speech delay and had progressed beautifully with the help of a speech therapist, with no issues. So I was almost in a state of denial with my son. I thought he would eventually progress and we would move on. But he didn’t. He was receiving speech therapy, occupational therapy, ABA and it was a lot. I saw some great improvements but not in speech and getting him to sit and focus got harder and harder.

He was throwing more tantrums and they were lasting longer. I remember looking at his face and seeing the despair in his eyes. He was hurting and he couldn’t tell me, so he was doing what ever he could to gain my attention. And then one day he started banging his head into the ground. So much and so often that I was advised to get him a helmet. At first it appeared to be behavioral, so we tried different things to redirect him. That didn’t work.

I had taken him to the doctor several times at this point. Checking for infections. There has to be something I thought. Nothing, everything was negative. I asked the doctor could there be another issue. I heard a lot of kids suffer from Gluten Intolerance. She said that wasn’t real and this is just something kids with Autism do…. Ok.

He went from banging his head, to punching himself in the face, in the arms, legs, chest anywhere that wasn’t protected by the helmet. It was so bad that I had to record parts of it. Just so I could prove that, I was not abusing my baby. We went back to the doctor. I’m begging, please tell me something. She said “This is what Autism is.” Never have I ever wanted to knock someone’s teeth out, like I did in that moment. I did not do it, but I never took my kids to see her again.

I started loosing it. I spent all day trying to comfort my son and balance mom life. I would spend my nights, researching autism. I hate to say that up until then, I didn’t and its something I truly regret. Information is power! I joined multiple facebook support groups and read everything I could get my hands on. So now I have all this information and no doctor that would take me seriously. No doctor to order the blood tests and stool tests, I thought were necessary.

My search for a doctor was insane. There are waiting lists for doctors who specialize in this but I didn’t have six months or a year. So I found a doctor that I wanted and I called the office every single day. Begging, pleading for a short conversation with the doctor. I left voicemails, and sent emails, it was borderline harassment. But it worked!!! The office manager called me back, she said that because the doctor wasn’t accepting any new patients at the time, I would have to pay out of pocket to get the tests done. Great! No problem, whatever it takes.

I was right!!!! My baby had so much going on in his little body, from deficiencies to intolerances and the list goes on. I changed everything about his diet, EVERYTHING!!!! The amazing doctor who gave me a moment of his time, is now our family pediatrician. I will never be able to fully thank him for what he has done, but I think the homemade pies I make for him help a little.

Today there is no head banging or punching. But most importantly, I no longer see pain in my baby’s eyes. Although there are still moments of weakness for me, I’m always thankful, because it can be worse.

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